It is related in Midrash Rabbah, Parashas Bereishis (5:9) that when Adam committed the sin of eating from the Tree of Knowledge both the snake and Chavah were personally cursed, whereas for Adam’s sin the earth was cursed. As the verse states, “The earth shall be cursed on account of you” (Bereishis 3:17). This is because Adam was created from the earth.
The Midrash compares this to a son who turned to evil ways and the people cursed the breasts from which he had nursed as an infant, saying, “Cursed be the breasts that nursed this one.” Regarding this Midrash one can ask as follows: Since Adam was created from the upper world as well as the lower world (Bereishis Rabbah 12:8), why was only the earth cursed on account of Adam’s sin but not the heavens? I believe the answer is that the creation of Adam came about also through the contributions of male and female aspects (see the Zohar 1:49a and Zohar Chadash, Bereishis 21a). Thus, the earth derives from the female aspect while the soul that was imbued in the human being derives from the male aspect. The soul does not lure a person into sin. It is only the physical body created from the earth that tempts and urges him to sin. For this reason the earth, representing the lower world, was cursed, whereas the upper world was not cursed. For only the soul originated in the upper world, and the soul does not sin. This is the reason that people say, “Cursed be the breasts that nursed this one.” Notice that they do not curse the father but only the mother. This is because of the Sages’ great principle that every woman who is modest in her conduct and her thoughts will merit to be the progenitor of prophets, saints and men of good deeds (Megillah 10b). An example of this is Tamar. Conversely, every woman who is not modest in her conduct or who harbors evil and alien thoughts will have offspring who follow in her ways, for as the Sages say, “one ewe follows another ewe” (Kesuvos 63a).
It seems to me that this is why Scripture says, “As a father has mercy upon his children” (Tehillim 103:13). Why is it not stated, “As a mother has mercy upon her children”? The answer is that it is the nature of a father who loves his children to discipline them, as it is stated, “One who spares the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him every morning” (Mishlei 13:24). Every man who disciplines his son demonstrates thereby that he loves him, as is elaborated on in Midrash Rabbah, Parashas Shemos (1:1). A woman, on the other hand, is soft-hearted and does not wish for the father or teacher to strike the child. Moreover, while he is yet small the mother fulfills his every wish, granting him all his heart’s desires. Then when he becomes a youth he seeks out what he is accustomed to and eventually turns to evil ways. And all of this is caused by the woman.
A proof to this is an amazing episode that I heard involving the Ramban. In an essay in one of his books the Ramban writes that if a Jew exchanges his religion for one of the idolatrous faiths, one may be certain that he is not really of Jewish seed. Rather he is of the seed of the other nations or else of intended adulterous relationship [that is, his father believed that he was with another woman when he was actually with his wife]. A short time after he wrote these words one of his own sons apostatized. The ruler summoned the Ramban and said, “Look at what you have recently published, and now your own offspring has been tripped up by your words!” All the way home the Ramban was filled with turmoil and when he arrived he sat on the floor weeping and scourging himself. He was more disturbed on account of the sermon he had published than on account of his son who had abandoned his religion. He refused to eat or drink for several days until at last his wife came to console him and to assure that there was no need for him to be distraught. She then explained that one night when she was on her way back from the mikveh [ritual bath], which was far from their home, a certain nobleman noticed her beauty and ordered his servants to seize her and bring her to his house. The nobleman then [sexually] abused her and it was from him that she had conceived the boy. She added, “And if you do not believe me, see that I still have the finger that I bit from his hand with my teeth.”
When the Ramban heard his wife’s story he rose from the ground with great rejoicing. “You have consoled me!” he exclaimed. Right away he set out and went to the ruler to related to him what his wife had revealed. The ruler immediately summoned the nobleman who soon arrived. He was wearing a glove on his hand and the ruler ordered him to remove it. When the nobleman refused the ruler ordered his servants to remove it from his hand by force. Then they saw that he was indeed missing a finger on that hand. “What happened to you finger?” the ruler inquired. The nobleman confessed that one time he had abused a Jewish woman and she had bitten it off with her teeth. The Ramban spoke up, “So you see that our Torah is true as are the words of our Sages and our God!
From this story we learn that everything depends upon the mother. For sometimes an evil man has a modest wife and they produce virtuous and upright children. And sometimes a righteous man is married to a wicked woman and they produce wicked offspring.
Therefore a mother must be sure to guide her children along the path of virtue, and let her not have pity on them when the teacher or her husband strikes them. Let every woman learn from Batsheva, wife of King David and mother of King Shlomo. Batsheva beat her son King Shlomo personally after he once overslept until the third hour of the day with the keys to the Holy Temple beneath his head (Vayikra Rabbah, 12:5). This is alluded to in the verse, “The words of Lemuel who was chastised by his mother” (Mishlei 31:1). Fortunate are the husband and wife who guide their children along the straight and virtuous path. Then they will merit upright offspring and will have cause to rejoice in this world and the next.
אִיתָא בְּמִדְרַשׁ רַבָּה פָּרָשַׁת בְּרֵאשִׁית: כְּשֶׁחָטָא אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן בְּחֵטְא אֲכִילַת עֵץ הַדַּעַת, נִתְקַלְּלוּ הַנָּחָשׁ וְחַוָּה, וְהָאֲדָמָה נִתְקַלְּלָה עֲבוּר הָאָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן, כְּדִכְתִיב: אֲרוּרָה הָאֲדָמָה בַּעֲבוּרֶךָ — לְפִי שֶׁאָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן נִבְרָא מִן הָאֲדָמָה.
It is related in Midrash Rabbah, Parashas Bereishis (5:9) that when Adam committed the sin of eating from the Tree of Knowledge both the snake and Chavah were personally cursed, whereas for Adam’s sin the earth was cursed. As the verse states, “The earth shall be cursed on account of you” (Bereishis 3:17). This is because Adam was created from the earth.
מָשָׁל לְבֵן שֶׁיּוֹצֵא לְתַרְבּוּת רָעָה, אֲזַי הַבְּרִיּוֹת מְקַלְּלִין אֶת הַשָּׁדַיִם שֶׁהַתִּינוֹק יוֹנֵק מֵהֶן, וְאַמְרִין: לִיט בִּיזַיָּא דְּהָדֵין מְנִיקְתָּא. וְהִנֵּה יֵשׁ לְדַקְדֵּק בְּזֶה הַדְּרָשׁ: הֲלֹא אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן נִבְרָא גַּם כֵּן מֵהָעֶלְיוֹנִים, וְלָמָּה נִתְקַלְּלָה הָאֲדָמָה לְבַד שֶׁהִיא מֵהַתַּחְתּוֹנִים? וְלָמָּה לֹא נִתְקַלְּלוּ הָעֶלְיוֹנִים גַּם כֵּן בְּחֵטְא אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן? וְהַנִּרְאֶה בְּעֵינַי לְתָרֵץ, כִּי עִנְיַן בְּרִיאַת הָאָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן הָיָה עַל יְדֵי דְּכַר וְנוּקְבָא, כִּי הָאָרֶץ מִסִּטְרָא דְּנוּקְבָא, וְהַנְּשָׁמָה בְּתוֹךְ הָאָדָם הוּא מִסִּטְרָא דְּדוּכְרָא, כִּי הַנְּשָׁמָה אֵינָהּ מְסִיתָה לָאָדָם שֶׁיֶּחֱטָא, כִּי אִם הַחֹמֶר שֶׁנִּבְרָא מִן הָאֲדָמָה, הוּא הַמֵּסִית וּמַדִּיחַ לְהַחֲטִיא. אָדָם הוּא הֶעָפָר מִן הָאֲדָמָה, וְלָכֵן נִתְקַלְּלָה הָאֲדָמָה שֶׁהִיא מִן הַתַּחְתּוֹנִים. וְלֹא נִתְקַלְּלוּ הָעֶלְיוֹנִים, שֶׁבָּא הַנְּשָׁמָה מֵהֶם, כִּי הַנְּשָׁמָה אֵינָהּ חוֹטֵאת כְּלָל. וְזֶהוּ שֶׁהַבְּרִיּוֹת אַמְרִין: לִיטָא הָדֵין בִּיזַיָּא דְּהָדֵין מְנִיקְתָּא, וְלֹא מְקַלְּלִין הָאָב כִּי אִם הַאֵם, כִּי זֶה הוּא כְּלָל גָּדוֹל: כָּל אִשָּׁה שֶׁהִיא צְנוּעָה בְּמַעֲשֶׂיהָ וּבְמַחְשְׁבוֹתֶיהָ, זָכְתָה שֶׁיֵּצְאוּ מִמֶּנָּה נְבִיאִים וַחֲסִידִים וְאַנְשֵׁי מַעֲשֶׂה. וּרְאָיָה מִתָּמָר. וְכָל אִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר אֵינֶנָּה צְנוּעָה בְּמַעֲשֶׂיהָ אוֹ שֶׁיֵּשׁ לָהּ מַחֲשָׁבוֹת רָעוֹת וְזָרוֹת, אֲזַי יוֹצְאֵי חֲלָצֶיהָ הוֹלְכִים אַחֲרֶיהָ, כִּי רְחֵלָא בָּתַר רְחֵלָא אָזְלֵי.
The Midrash compares this to a son who turned to evil ways and the people cursed the breasts from which he had nursed as an infant, saying, “Cursed be the breasts that nursed this one.” Regarding this Midrash one can ask as follows: Since Adam was created from the upper world as well as the lower world (Bereishis Rabbah 12:8), why was only the earth cursed on account of Adam’s sin but not the heavens? I believe the answer is that the creation of Adam came about also through the contributions of male and female aspects (see the Zohar 1:49a and Zohar Chadash, Bereishis 21a). Thus, the earth derives from the female aspect while the soul that was imbued in the human being derives from the male aspect. The soul does not lure a person into sin. It is only the physical body created from the earth that tempts and urges him to sin. For this reason the earth, representing the lower world, was cursed, whereas the upper world was not cursed. For only the soul originated in the upper world, and the soul does not sin. This is the reason that people say, “Cursed be the breasts that nursed this one.” Notice that they do not curse the father but only the mother. This is because of the Sages’ great principle that every woman who is modest in her conduct and her thoughts will merit to be the progenitor of prophets, saints and men of good deeds (Megillah 10b). An example of this is Tamar. Conversely, every woman who is not modest in her conduct or who harbors evil and alien thoughts will have offspring who follow in her ways, for as the Sages say, “one ewe follows another ewe” (Kesuvos 63a).
וְלָכֵן נִרְאֶה לִי, דְּמֵחֲמַת זֶה כָּתוּב בַּתּוֹרָה: כְּרַחֵם אָב עַל בָּנִים. וְלָמָּה לֹא כְּתִיב: כְּרַחֵם הַאֵם עַל הַבָּנִים? כִּי טֶבַע הַזָּכָר, אֲשֶׁר הוּא אוֹהֵב אֶת בְּנוֹ, הוּא מְיַסְּרֵהוּ. כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב: חוֹשֵׂךְ שִׁבְטוֹ — שׂוֹנֵא בְּנוֹ, וְאוֹהֲבוֹ שִׁחֲרוֹ מוּסָר. כִּי כָּל אִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יְיַסֵּר אֶת בְּנוֹ, הוּא אוֹהֵב לִבְנוֹ, כְּמוֹ שֶׁהֶאֱרִיךְ בְּמִדְרַשׁ רַבָּה, פָּרָשַׁת שְׁמוֹת, עַיֵּן שָׁם. מַה שֶּׁאֵין כֵּן הָאִשָּׁה הִיא רַכַּת לֵב, וְאֵינָהּ רוֹצָה שֶׁהָאָב יַכֶּה אֶת בְּנוֹ אוֹ הַמְלַמֵּד, וּבְעוֹד שֶׁהַתִּינוֹק קָטָן, אִמּוֹ נוֹתֶנֶת לוֹ כָּל חֶפְצוֹ וְכָל מִשְׁאֲלוֹת לֵב, וְאַחַר כָּךְ כְּשֶׁיִּגְדַּל הַנַּעַר הוּא מְבַקֵּשׁ לִמּוּדוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ יוֹצֵא לְתַרְבּוּת רָעָה, וְהַכֹּל הוּא בִּגְרָמָא דְּאִשָּׁה.
It seems to me that this is why Scripture says, “As a father has mercy upon his children” (Tehillim 103:13). Why is it not stated, “As a mother has mercy upon her children”? The answer is that it is the nature of a father who loves his children to discipline them, as it is stated, “One who spares the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him every morning” (Mishlei 13:24). Every man who disciplines his son demonstrates thereby that he loves him, as is elaborated on in Midrash Rabbah, Parashas Shemos (1:1). A woman, on the other hand, is soft-hearted and does not wish for the father or teacher to strike the child. Moreover, while he is yet small the mother fulfills his every wish, granting him all his heart’s desires. Then when he becomes a youth he seeks out what he is accustomed to and eventually turns to evil ways. And all of this is caused by the woman.
וּרְאַָיָה שָׁמַעְתִּי מַעֲשֶׂה נִפְלָא, שֶׁהָרַמְבַּ"ן זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה כָּתַב בְּסִפְרוֹ דְּרוּשׁ אֶחָד וְאָמַר: כָּל בַּר יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁהֵמִיר דָּתוֹ, וְעוֹבֵד אֵיזֶה עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה מִן הָאֻמּוֹת — אֲזַי צָרִיךְ לֵידַע, שֶׁאוֹתוֹ הַבֵּן אֵינוֹ מִזֶּרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל הוּא, כִּי בְּוַדַּאי הוּא מִזֶּרַע הָאֻמּוֹת אוֹ בֶּן תְּמוּרָה. וְלֹא הָיוּ יָמִים מוּעָטִים עַד שֶׁהֵמִיר בֵּן אֶחָד מִבְּנֵי הָרַמְבַּ"ן אֶת דָּתוֹ. וְאָז שָׁלַח הָאַפִּיפְיוֹר אַחַר הָרַמְבַּ"ן וְאָמַר: רְאֵה הַדְּרוּשׁ שֶׁלְּךָ שֶׁנִּדְפַּס מִקָּרוֹב, וְעַתָּה נִכְשָׁל זַרְעֲךָ בִּדְבָרֶיךָ. וְאָז הָלַךְ הָרַב הָרַמְבַּ"ן זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה סָר וְזָעֵף. וּכְשֶׁבָּא לְבֵיתוֹ, הָיָה יוֹשֵׁב וּבוֹכֶה עַל הָאָרֶץ וְהָיָה מְסֻגָּף בְּסִגּוּפִים גְּדוֹלִים, וְהָיָה יוֹתֵר מִצַּעֵר עַל הַדְּרוּשׁ שֶׁהִדְפִּיס, יוֹתֵר מִצַּעַר בְּנוֹ שֶׁהֵמִיר דָּתוֹ. וְלֹא הָיָה אוֹכֵל וְשׁוֹתֶה כַּמָּה יָמִים, עַד שֶׁבָּאָה אִשְׁתּוֹ אֵלָיו וְהָיְתָה מְדַבֶּרֶת עַל לִבּוֹ, שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה בְּצַעַר, כִּי פַּעַם אַחַת הָיְתָה הוֹלֶכֶת לְבֵית הַטְּבִילָה, שֶׁהָיָה רָחוֹק מִבֵּיתָהּ. כְּשֶׁהָיָה לַיְלָה, הָיְתָה רוֹצָה לֵילֵךְ לְבֵית בַּעֲלָהּ, אָז רָאָה שַׂר אֶחָד אֶת הוֹד יָפְיָהּ וְצִוָּה הַשַּׂר לַעֲבָדָיו, שֶׁיִּקְּחוּ הָאִשָּׁה לְבֵיתוֹ, וְהָיָה הַשַּׂר אוֹנֵס אוֹתָהּ, וּמִמֶּנּוּ הִתְעַבְּרָה. וְאִם לֹא תַּאֲמִינוּ לִי, הֲרֵי יֵשׁ אֶצְבַּע שֶׁלּוֹ עֲדַיִן בְּיָדִי, שֶׁגָּרַסְתִּי בְּשִׁנַּי אֶת הָאֶצְבַּע שֶׁלּוֹ.
A proof to this is an amazing episode that I heard involving the Ramban. In an essay in one of his books the Ramban writes that if a Jew exchanges his religion for one of the idolatrous faiths, one may be certain that he is not really of Jewish seed. Rather he is of the seed of the other nations or else of intended adulterous relationship [that is, his father believed that he was with another woman when he was actually with his wife]. A short time after he wrote these words one of his own sons apostatized. The ruler summoned the Ramban and said, “Look at what you have recently published, and now your own offspring has been tripped up by your words!” All the way home the Ramban was filled with turmoil and when he arrived he sat on the floor weeping and scourging himself. He was more disturbed on account of the sermon he had published than on account of his son who had abandoned his religion. He refused to eat or drink for several days until at last his wife came to console him and to assure that there was no need for him to be distraught. She then explained that one night when she was on her way back from the mikveh [ritual bath], which was far from their home, a certain nobleman noticed her beauty and ordered his servants to seize her and bring her to his house. The nobleman then [sexually] abused her and it was from him that she had conceived the boy. She added, “And if you do not believe me, see that I still have the finger that I bit from his hand with my teeth.”
וּכְשֶׁשָּׁמַע הָרַב הָרַמְבַּ"ן זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה אֶת דִּבְרֵי אִשְׁתּוֹ, אָז קָם מֵהָאָרֶץ וְהָיָה שָׂמֵחַ שִׂמְחָה גְּדוֹלָה, וְאָמַר לְאִשְׁתּוֹ: נִחַמְתִּנִי! אָז תֵּכֶף אָזַר כַּגֶּבֶר חֲלָצָיו וְהָלַךְ לְהָאַפִּיפְיוֹר וְסִפֵּר לוֹ דְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה, וְתֵכֶף שָׁלַח הָאַפִּיפְיוֹר לְאוֹתוֹ הַשַּׂר וּבָא אֵלָיו. וְהָיָה עַל יָדוֹ בֵּית הַיָּד, שֶׁקּוֹרִין 'הֶענְטְשִׁיךְ'. וְצִוָּה הָאַפִּיפְיוֹר לְהָסִיר הַהֶענְטְשִׁיךְ מֵעַל יָדוֹ, וְלֹא רָצָה הַשַּׂר. וְאָז צִוָּה הָאַפִּיפְיוֹר לַעֲבָדָיו לְהָסִיר בֵּית הַיָּד, שֶׁקּוֹרִין 'הֶענְטְשִׁיךְ' בְּחָזְקָה מֵעַל יָדוֹ. אָז רָאָה הָאַפִּיפְיוֹר שֶׁחָסֵר אֶצְבַּע אֶחָד מִיָּדָיו, וְשָׁאַל אוֹתוֹ: מַה טִּיבָהּ שֶׁל אֶצְבַּע זוֹ? אָז הוֹדָה הַשַּׂר, שֶׁפַּעַם אַחַת הָיָה אוֹנֵס אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ אַחַת מִבְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְהָיְתָה הָאִשָּׁה גּוֹרֶסֶת אֶת אֶצְבָּעוֹ בְּשִׁנֶּיהָ. אָז אָמַר הָרַמְבַּ"ן: רְאֵה, שֶׁהַתּוֹרָה שֶׁלָּנוּ אֱמֶת, וְדִבְרֵי חֲכָמִים וְדִבְרֵי ה' הֵן אֱמֶת!
When the Ramban heard his wife’s story he rose from the ground with great rejoicing. “You have consoled me!” he exclaimed. Right away he set out and went to the ruler to related to him what his wife had revealed. The ruler immediately summoned the nobleman who soon arrived. He was wearing a glove on his hand and the ruler ordered him to remove it. When the nobleman refused the ruler ordered his servants to remove it from his hand by force. Then they saw that he was indeed missing a finger on that hand. “What happened to you finger?” the ruler inquired. The nobleman confessed that one time he had abused a Jewish woman and she had bitten it off with her teeth. The Ramban spoke up, “So you see that our Torah is true as are the words of our Sages and our God!
עַל כֵּן מִן הַמַּעֲשֶׂה הַזֶּה נִלְמָד, שֶׁהַכֹּל תָּלוּי בָּאִשָּׁה. כִּי לִפְעָמִים יֵשׁ אָדָם רָשָׁע, וְיֵשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה צְנוּעָה — יִהְיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים טוֹבִים, צַדִּיקִים וִישָׁרִים. וְלִפְעָמִים יֵשׁ אָדָם צַדִּיק, וְיֵשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה רָעָה — וְיֵשׁ לוֹ בָּנִים רְשָׁעִים.
From this story we learn that everything depends upon the mother. For sometimes an evil man has a modest wife and they produce virtuous and upright children. And sometimes a righteous man is married to a wicked woman and they produce wicked offspring.
עַל כֵּן צְרִיכָה כָּל אִשָּׁה לִרְאוֹת לְהַדְרִיךְ אֶת בָּנֶיהָ בְּדֶרֶךְ טוֹבִים, וְלֹא לָחוּס עַל בָּנֶיהָ כְּשֶׁהַמְלַמֵּד אוֹ בַּעֲלָהּ מַכֶּה אֶת בְּנָהּ. וְכָל אִשָּׁה צְרִיכָה לִקַּח רְאָיָה מִן בַּת שֶׁבַע, אֵשֶׁת דָּוִד הַמֶּלֶךְ, אִמּוֹ שֶׁל שְׁלֹמֹה הַמֶּלֶךְ עָלֶיהָ הַשָּׁלוֹם, שֶׁהָיְתָה בְּעַצְמָהּ מַכָּה אֶת שְׁלֹמֹה הַמֶּלֶךְ בְּנָהּ, כְּשֶׁהָיָה יָשֵׁן פַּעַם אַחַת שָׁלשׁ שָׁעוֹת בַּיּוֹם, וְהָיוּ מַפְתְּחוֹת שֶׁל בֵּית הַמִּקְדָּשׁ נְתוּנִים תַּחַת מֵרַאֲשׁוֹתָיו, כְּמַאֲמַר הַכָּתוּב: דִּבְרֵי לְמוּאֵל, אֲשֶׁר יִסַּרְתּוֹ אִמּוֹ. וְאַשְׁרֵי הָאִישׁ וְהָאִשָּׁה, אֲשֶׁר מַדְרִיכִין אֶת בְּנֵיהֶם בְּדֶרֶךְ הַיָּשָׁר וְהַטּוֹב, וְאָז יִרְאוּ יְשָׁרִים וְיִשְׂמָחוּ בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וּבָעוֹלָם הַבָּא.
Therefore a mother must be sure to guide her children along the path of virtue, and let her not have pity on them when the teacher or her husband strikes them. Let every woman learn from Batsheva, wife of King David and mother of King Shlomo. Batsheva beat her son King Shlomo personally after he once overslept until the third hour of the day with the keys to the Holy Temple beneath his head (Vayikra Rabbah, 12:5). This is alluded to in the verse, “The words of Lemuel who was chastised by his mother” (Mishlei 31:1). Fortunate are the husband and wife who guide their children along the straight and virtuous path. Then they will merit upright offspring and will have cause to rejoice in this world and the next.