When one makes a seudas mitzvah, such as a bris, an engagement or a bar mitzvah, it is important to see that the poor and needy are among the invitees and that they are well taken care of. For if a person makes a simchah for his son or daughter but fails to invite the poor, the wicked Lilis and the Samech Mem bring indictments against him in the Heavenly court until he is beset by afflictions.
The midrash tells us, for example, that this is what happened to Avraham because he did not invite any poor people to the feast that he made upon Yitzchok’s weaning. Commenting on the verse, “And after these matters” (Bereishis 22:1), the midrash explains that it was in response to the Satan’s indictment that the Holy One Blessed is He subsequently commanded Avraham, “Take, now, your son, your only one, Yitzchok … and offer him there for a burnt offering” (Bereishis 22:2).
Similarly, because Iyov made a feast for his children to which no poor people were invited the Satan was given permission to kill all his sons and daughters and to deprive him of his wealth and livestock as well. Yet even this was not sufficient to satisfy the Satan until he was allowed to afflict Iyov’s person.
Therefore whoever holds a feast should be sure to invite the poor so that the accuser will have nothing to say against him. Moreover, he will actually be transformed into an advocate! Thus Midrash Tanchuma (Ha’azinu 8) relates the following story.
A certain wealthy and learned man whose only daughter was as beautiful as she was modest and pleasant mannered. The father betrothed her three times to three different worthy suitors in succession. But in each case the groom was found dead the morning after the wedding night.
At last the widow proclaimed, “Let no more men die on my account. I will remain a lonely widow from now on until the Holy One Blessed is He has mercy upon me.” And so she remained single for many years.
Now it so happened that this wealthy man had a brother living in another country who was extremely poor. He had ten sons and every day he and the eldest son would bring back wood from the forest to sell in order to maintain his household. One day they were unable to sell the wood they had brought and consequently had no money with which to buy bread. That night they all went to bed hungry. The next morning they went again to the forest to fetch wood for sale, but the father fainted along the way. The son’s eyes brimmed with tears over his father’s poverty and he raised his eyes to Heaven.
After considering the situation he asked his father for permission to go visit his uncle. Upon is arrival at his uncle’s home the uncle and his wife and their widowed daughter all rejoiced to see him and inquired after the wellbeing of his parent’s and siblings. He remained there seven days, at the end of which he said to his uncle, “I have a request to make and I beg of you not to turn me down.” The uncle replied, “Please, my son, ask whatever you desire.” The son said, “I will not ask for anything until you swear that you will not refuse me,” and the uncle complied. The son then continued, “My request is that you give me your widowed daughter in marriage.”
Upon hearing this request the uncle began to wail. “Please, my son,” he begged, “do not make this request. For on account of our many sins whoever marries my daughter dies after the first night.” But the son insisted, “It is with full knowledge of this that I am asking to marry her.” The uncle told him, “If it is money you are after, do not marry her and I will heap upon you silver and gold. For you are a pleasant and wise young man and I do not wish for you to endanger your life.” But the son was adamant, “You have already sworn to me.”
When the uncle saw that the young man would not yield he went to inform his daughter. Upon hearing the news she, too, began weeping bitterly, crying out, “Master of the Universe! Take my life and do not kill this young man!”
But a short time later the two were betrothed. The father of the bride, who was also the groom’s uncle, invited all the elders of the city to the wedding. They erected a canopy for the groom to sit in at the wedding and while he was sitting there Eliyohu HaNavi arrived in the guise of an elderly man.
He called the groom over to him and told him, “My son, I am going to give you some good advice and I warn you not to deviate from it. Today, while are sitting at your feast a poor man will come to you. He will appear to you the most wretched individual in the world. As soon as you see him you must rise from your place and seat him beside you. Give him to eat and drink and wait upon him with all your might and all your personal attention.” When he finished speaking the old man turned and left.
The night of the wedding the groom was sitting at the head of all his guests when a beggar entered. The moment the groom noticed him he stood up, seating the beggar in his own place and obeying all the instructions that Eliyohu had given him.
When the feast was over the groom entered his chamber and the beggar went in after him. “My son,” he said, “I am a messenger from the Omnipresent and I have come to take your soul.”
The groom replied, “Grant me a year or even half a year.” “No,” the beggar said, “I will not do as you ask.” “Grant me thirty days!” The groom pleaded. “I will not,” said the beggar, whom the groom now knew to be the Angel of Death. “Grant me until the end of the seven days of feasting.” “No,” said the Angel of Death, “I cannot do you the kindness of granting you a single day because your time has come.”
The groom made one last request, “Allow me to take leave of my wife and my uncle who is my father-in-law.” Then the Angel of Death said, “I will grant you this because you acted with kindness towards me. But return quickly.”
So the groom went to the chamber where the bride was sitting alone and crying and praying to the Holy One Blessed is He. When the groom came and called to her she arose and opened the door. She clasped his hand and kissed him and asked, “Why have you come to me alone?”
The groom answered, “I have come to take leave of you because my time has come to go the way of all the earth. The Angel of Death appeared to me and told me that he has come for my soul.” The bride said, “Do not leave. Sit here while I will go and speak with him.” So she went to the Angel of Death and said to him, “Are you the emissary that has come for my husband’s soul?” “Yes,” he acknowledged.
“But is it not written in the Torah, ‘When a man takes a new wife he shall not go out to the army nor shall he go out to any task. He shall be free for his household an entire year and cause the wife whom he has taken to rejoice’ (Devarim 24:5)? The Holy One Blessed is He is a God of truth and His Torah is a Torah of truth, but if you take the soul of my husband now the Torah will appear false, Heaven forbid!
The angel listened and then said, “Because your husband acted with kindness towards me and honored me, I will grant your request and bring your case before the Holy One Blessed is He.”
So the angel went before the Holy One and in the blink of an eye he returned rejoicing. “The Holy One has granted the groom his life!” he exclaimed. “In the merit of his kindness towards the beggar.”
All night long the bride’s father and mother wandered about outside of the bridal chamber listening to the voices of the bride and groom rejoicing. In the morning they entered the room and saw that they were both safe and sound and they all rejoiced together. Then they revealed the matter to the entire community and they all offered words of praise and thanks to the Holy One Blessed is He. This is the story as it is related in the midrash. And it was all because of the groom’s display of lovingkindness towards the poor.
Therefore a person must be wary of ever showing a stern countenance towards the needy who come to his door. And one must be especially careful not to glower at those who come to partake of a seudas mitzvah. For by shaming the poor one brings on great misfortune.
And let the host not be concerned if he must add a little to the cost of the feast on their account because their presence is an atonement for him. Thus the illustrious Maharam HaBavli writes in his Ta’amei Mitzvos (Positive Mitzvah 40):
There is great benefit to the hosts of a feast in the eating of the poor that are invited to participate. This is completely analogous to the case of a sacrifice in which the Kohanim eat and the owner receives atonement. Moreover, let him be generous towards them so that to him may be applied the verse, “One with a generous eye, he will be blessed” (Mishlei 22:9).
צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְהִזָּהֵר כְּשֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה סְעוּדַת מִצְוָה, כְּגוֹן מִילָה אוֹ סְעוּדַת אֵרוּסִין אוֹ נִשּׂוּאִין וּסְעוּדַת בַּר מִצְוָה, יִזָּהֵר לִהְיוֹת בְּתוֹךְ הַקְּרוּאִים עֲנִיִּים וְאֶבְיוֹנִים, וּלְהַשְׁגִּיחַ עֲלֵיהֶם בִּדְבָרִים נָאִים. כִּי הָעוֹשֶׂה שִׂמְחָה לִבְנוֹ אוֹ לְבִתּוֹ, וְלֹא הִזְמִין לַסְּעוּדָה עֲנִיִּים, אֲזַי מִתְעוֹרֵר הַקִּטְרוּג מִלִּילִית הָרְשָׁעָה וּמִסַּמָּאֵל, עַד שֶׁמְּבִיאִים אֵיזֶה יִסּוּרִין וּמִדּוֹת הַקָּשׁוֹת עַל בַּעַל הַסְּעוּדָה, כְּמוֹ שֶׁמָּצִינוּ בִּסְעוּדַת אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ.
When one makes a seudas mitzvah, such as a bris, an engagement or a bar mitzvah, it is important to see that the poor and needy are among the invitees and that they are well taken care of. For if a person makes a simchah for his son or daughter but fails to invite the poor, the wicked Lilis and the Samech Mem bring indictments against him in the Heavenly court until he is beset by afflictions.
כִּדְאִיתָא בְּמִדְרַשׁ רַבָּה (רְאֵה בְּרֵאשִׁית רַבָּה פָּרָשָׁה נה, אוֹת ד וְסַנְהֶדְרִין פט, ב): "וַיְהִי אַחַר הַדְּבָרִים" (בְּרֵאשִׁית כב א) — שֶׁקִּטְרֵג הַשָּׂטָן עַל אַבְרָהָם בְּיוֹם הִגָּמֵל אֶת יִצְחָק, וְעָשָׂה אַבְרָהָם מִשְׁתֶּה גָּדוֹל עִם כָּל גְּדוֹלֵי הַדּוֹר, וְלֹא הָיָה שָׁם שׁוּם עָנִי וְכוּ', עַד שֶׁאָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לְאַבְרָהָם: קַח נָא אֶת בִּנְךָ, אֶת יְחִידְךָ, אֶת יִצְחָק וְגוֹ'.
The midrash tells us, for example, that this is what happened to Avraham because he did not invite any poor people to the feast that he made upon Yitzchok’s weaning. Commenting on the verse, “And after these matters” (Bereishis 22:1), the midrash explains that it was in response to the Satan’s indictment that the Holy One Blessed is He subsequently commanded Avraham, “Take, now, your son, your only one, Yitzchok … and offer him there for a burnt offering” (Bereishis 22:2).
וְכֵן מָצִינוּ אֵצֶל אִיּוֹב, שֶׁעָשָׂה סְעוּדָה עִם בָּנָיו, וְלֹא הָיוּ שָׁם עֲנִיִּים, וְקִטְרֵג הַשָּׂטָן, עַד שֶׁהֵמִית אֶת בָּנָיו וּבְנוֹתָיו שֶׁל אִיּוֹב וְנָטַל הֵימֶנּוּ עָשְׁרוֹ וּבַהֲמוֹתָיו, וְלֹא נָח מֵרָגְזוֹ, עַד שֶׁהֵבִיא עָלָיו יִסּוּרִין.
Similarly, because Iyov made a feast for his children to which no poor people were invited the Satan was given permission to kill all his sons and daughters and to deprive him of his wealth and livestock as well. Yet even this was not sufficient to satisfy the Satan until he was allowed to afflict Iyov’s person.
עַל כֵּן צָרִיךְ הַבַּעַל סְעוּדָה לְהִזָּהֵר לְהַזְמִין עֲנִיִּים לַסְּעוּדָה, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יְקַטְרֵג הַקָּטֵגוֹר. וְלֹא עוֹד, כֵּיוָן שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ עֲנִיִּים לִסְעוּדָה, אֲזַי קָטֵגוֹר נַעֲשָׂה סָנֵגוֹר, כְּמוֹ שֶׁמָּצִינוּ בְּמִדְרַשׁ תַּנְחוּמָא, פָּרָשַׁת הַאֲזִינוּ:
Therefore whoever holds a feast should be sure to invite the poor so that the accuser will have nothing to say against him. Moreover, he will actually be transformed into an advocate! Thus Midrash Tanchuma (Ha’azinu 8) relates the following story.
בְּאָדָם עָשִׁיר אֶחָד, שֶׁהָיָה גָּדוֹל בְּעשֶׁר וּמֻפְלָג בְּלִמּוּד וּבְחָכְמוֹת, וְהָיָה לוֹ בַּת אַחַת יְפַת תֹּאַר צְנוּעָה וַחֲמוּדָה, וְהָלַךְ וְהִשִּׂיא לְבִתּוֹ שָׁלשׁ פְּעָמִים לִשְׁלשָׁה בְּנֵי אָדָם חֲשׁוּבִים, וּבְכָל לַיְלָה רִאשׁוֹנָה שֶׁל נִשּׂוּאֶיהָ, לְמָחֳרָת מוֹצְאִים בַּעֲלָה מֵת.
A certain wealthy and learned man whose only daughter was as beautiful as she was modest and pleasant mannered. The father betrothed her three times to three different worthy suitors in succession. But in each case the groom was found dead the morning after the wedding night.
אָמְרָה הָאַלְמָנָה: לֹא יָמוּתוּ עוֹד בְּנֵי אָדָם עָלַי! אֵשֵׁב אַלְמָנָה וַעֲגוּנָה, עַד אֲשֶׁר יְרַחֵם הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עָלַי. וְיָשְׁבָה יָמִים רַבִּים.
At last the widow proclaimed, “Let no more men die on my account. I will remain a lonely widow from now on until the Holy One Blessed is He has mercy upon me.” And so she remained single for many years.
וְהָיָה לְאוֹתוֹ עָשִׁיר אָח עָנִי בְּיוֹתֵר בִּמְדִינָה אַחֶרֶת, וְהָיוּ לוֹ עֲשָׂרָה בָּנִים, וּבְכָל יוֹם וָיוֹם הָיָה הוּא וּבְנוֹ הַגָּדוֹל מְבִיאִין עֵצִים מֵהַיַּעַר וּמוֹכְרִין אוֹתָן, וּבָזֶה הָיָה פַּרְנָסָתוֹ וְאַנְשֵׁי בֵּיתוֹ. פַּעַם אַחַת לֹא מָכְרוּ אֶת הָעֵצִים, וְלֹא הָיָה לָהֶם מָעוֹת לִקְנוֹת לֶחֶם. יָשְׁבוּ בַּלַּיְלָה בְּלִי לֶחֶם, וּלְמָחֳרָת הָלְכוּ פַּעַם שֵׁנִית לַיַּעַר לְהָבִיא עֵצִים, וְנִתְעַלֵּף רוּחַ הָאָב, וְזָלְגוּ עֵינֵי הַבֵּן דִּמְעָה עַל גֹּדֶל הָעֲנִיּוּת שֶׁל אָבִיו, וְתָלָה עֵינָיו לַמָּרוֹם.
Now it so happened that this wealthy man had a brother living in another country who was extremely poor. He had ten sons and every day he and the eldest son would bring back wood from the forest to sell in order to maintain his household. One day they were unable to sell the wood they had brought and consequently had no money with which to buy bread. That night they all went to bed hungry. The next morning they went again to the forest to fetch wood for sale, but the father fainted along the way. The son’s eyes brimmed with tears over his father’s poverty and he raised his eyes to Heaven.
וְהִרְהֵר הַבֵּן בְּלִבּוֹ וְנָטַל רְשׁוּת מֵאָבִיו וְהָלַךְ לִמְדִינַת דּוֹדוֹ. כְּשֶׁבָּא לְבֵית דּוֹדוֹ, שָׂמַח עָלָיו דּוֹדוֹ וְאִשְׁתּוֹ וּבִתּוֹ הָאַלְמָנָה, וְשָׁאֲלוּ לוֹ עַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ וְעַל אָחִיו וְהַבָּנִים שֶׁלּוֹ. וְיָשַׁב עִמּוֹ שִׁבְעָה יָמִים, וּלְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה יָמִים אָמַר הַבָּחוּר לְדוֹדוֹ: שְׁאֵלָה אַחַת אֲנִי שׁוֹאֵל מֵעִמְּךָ, אַל תְּשִׁיבֵנִי. וְהֵשִׁיב לוֹ דוֹדוֹ: שְׁאַל, בְּנִי, מַה שֶּׁתִּרְצֶה. אָמַר לוֹ הַבָּחוּר: אֲנִי לֹא אֶשְׁאַל שׁוּם דָּבָר, עַד שֶׁתִּשָּׁבַע לִי. וְכֵן עָשָׂה. אָמַר לוֹ הַבָּחוּר: זֹאת הַשְּׁאֵלָה, שֶׁאֲנִי אֶשְׁאַל מִמְּךָ, שֶׁתִּתֵּן לִי אֶת בִּתְּךָ הָאַלְמָנָה לְאִשָּׁה.
After considering the situation he asked his father for permission to go visit his uncle. Upon is arrival at his uncle’s home the uncle and his wife and their widowed daughter all rejoiced to see him and inquired after the wellbeing of his parent’s and siblings. He remained there seven days, at the end of which he said to his uncle, “I have a request to make and I beg of you not to turn me down.” The uncle replied, “Please, my son, ask whatever you desire.” The son said, “I will not ask for anything until you swear that you will not refuse me,” and the uncle complied. The son then continued, “My request is that you give me your widowed daughter in marriage.”
כְּשֶׁשָּׁמַע הָאִישׁ, בָּכָה. אָמַר לוֹ: בְּנִי, כִּי בַּעֲווֹנוֹתֵינוּ הָרַבִּים כָּךְ מִדָּתָהּ (רָצָה לוֹמַר: שֶׁיָּמוּת הֶחָתָן לַיְלָה רִאשׁוֹנָה, וְכָךְ הוּא הַסֵּדֶר שֶׁלָּהּ). אָמַר הַבָּחוּר: עַל מְנָת כֵּן. אָמַר לוֹ דּוֹדוֹ: אִם עַל עִסְקֵי מָמוֹן אַתָּה קוֹפֵץ, אַל תִּשָּׂאֶנָּה, וַאֲנִי אֶתֵּן לְךָ כֶּסֶף וְזָהָב וּמָמוֹן הַרְבֵּה, כִּי אַתָּה בָּחוּר נָאֶה וְחָכָם, וּבַעֲצָתִי: אַל תִּסְתַּכֵּן! אָמַר לוֹ הַבָּחוּר: כְּבָר נִשְׁבַּעְתָּ עַל הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה.
Upon hearing this request the uncle began to wail. “Please, my son,” he begged, “do not make this request. For on account of our many sins whoever marries my daughter dies after the first night.” But the son insisted, “It is with full knowledge of this that I am asking to marry her.” The uncle told him, “If it is money you are after, do not marry her and I will heap upon you silver and gold. For you are a pleasant and wise young man and I do not wish for you to endanger your life.” But the son was adamant, “You have already sworn to me.”
וְכֵיוָן שֶׁרָאָה דּוֹדוֹ הֶעָשִׁיר הַדָּבָר, נִתְרַצָּה לוֹ, וּבָא לְבִתּוֹ וְסִפֵּר לָהּ אֶת הַדְּבָרִים. כְּשֶׁשָּׁמְעָה הָאַלְמָנָה זֹאת, הִתְחִילָה לִצְעֹק וְלִבְכּוֹת בְּמַר נַפְשָׁהּ וְאָמְרָה: רִבּוֹן כָּל הָעוֹלָמִים! תְּהִי יָדְךָ בִּי, וְאַל יָמוּת הַבָּחוּר הַזֶּה!
When the uncle saw that the young man would not yield he went to inform his daughter. Upon hearing the news she, too, began weeping bitterly, crying out, “Master of the Universe! Take my life and do not kill this young man!”
וְאַחַר זְמַן קָצָר קִדְּשָׁהּ הַבָּחוּר לְהָאַלְמָנָה, וְקָרָא אָבִיהָ, דּוֹדוֹ שֶׁל הֶחָתָן, לְזִקְנֵי הָעִיר עַל הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, וְעָשָׂה כִּילָה לֵישֵׁב הֶחָתָן בְּתוֹכוֹ. וּכְשֶׁיָּשַׁב הֶחָתָן בְּתוֹךְ הַכִּילָה, נִזְדַּמֵּן לוֹ זָקֵן אֶחָד, וְהָיָה אֵלִיָּהוּ הַנָּבִיא.
But a short time later the two were betrothed. The father of the bride, who was also the groom’s uncle, invited all the elders of the city to the wedding. They erected a canopy for the groom to sit in at the wedding and while he was sitting there Eliyohu HaNavi arrived in the guise of an elderly man.
קָרָא אֵלָיו וְאָמַר לוֹ לְהֶחָתָן: בְּנִי, אִיעָצְךָ עֵצָה נְכוֹנָה, וְאַל תֵּט מֵעֲצָתִי: הַיּוֹם, כְּשֶׁתֵּשֵׁב לַסְּעוּדָה, יָבוֹא אֵלֶיךָ עָנִי, שֶׁאֵין כָּמוֹהוּ בְּכָל הָעוֹלָם, וְתֵכֶף כְּשֶׁתִּרְאֵהוּ, תָּקוּם מִמּוֹשָׁבְךָ וְהוֹשִׁיבֵהוּ אֶצְלְךָ וְתֵן לוֹ לֶאֱכֹל וְלִשְׁתּוֹת וְשַׁמֵּשׁ לְפָנָיו בְּכָל כֹּחֲךָ וְעַצְמְךָ. וְאַחַר כָּךְ הָלַךְ אֵלִיָּהוּ זָכוּר לַטּוֹב מֵעִם הֶחָתָן.
He called the groom over to him and told him, “My son, I am going to give you some good advice and I warn you not to deviate from it. Today, while are sitting at your feast a poor man will come to you. He will appear to you the most wretched individual in the world. As soon as you see him you must rise from your place and seat him beside you. Give him to eat and drink and wait upon him with all your might and all your personal attention.” When he finished speaking the old man turned and left.
וּבַלַּיְלָה רִאשׁוֹנָה שֶׁל הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, כְּשֶׁהָיָה הֶחָתָן יוֹשֵׁב בְּרֹאשׁ הַקְּרוּאִים, בָּא עָנִי אֶחָד, וְתֵכֶף כְּשֶׁרָאָה הֶחָתָן אֶת הֶעָנִי, עָמַד בִּמְקוֹמוֹ וְהוֹשִׁיב לוֹ בִּמְקוֹמוֹ וְעָשָׂה לוֹ כְּכָל אֲשֶׁר צִוָּה לוֹ הַזָּקֵן.
The night of the wedding the groom was sitting at the head of all his guests when a beggar entered. The moment the groom noticed him he stood up, seating the beggar in his own place and obeying all the instructions that Eliyohu had given him.
לְאַחַר הַמִּשְׁתֶּה, כְּשֶׁרָצָה הֶחָתָן לֵילֵךְ לַחֶדֶר, הָלַךְ הֶעָנִי אַחֲרָיו וְאָמַר לוֹ: בְּנִי, אֲנִי שְׁלוּחוֹ שֶׁל מָקוֹם, וּבָאתִי הֵנָּה לִטֹּל אֶת נַפְשְׁךָ.
When the feast was over the groom entered his chamber and the beggar went in after him. “My son,” he said, “I am a messenger from the Omnipresent and I have come to take your soul.”
אָמַר לוֹ הֶחָתָן: תֵּן לִי זְמַן שָׁנָה אַחַת אוֹ חֲצִי שָׁנָה! אָמַר לוֹ: לֹא אֶעֱשֶׂה. אָמַר לוֹ הֶחָתָן: תֵּן לִי זְמַן שְׁלשִׁים יוֹם! אָמַר לוֹ: לֹא אֶעֱשֶׂה. אָמַר לוֹ הֶחָתָן: תֵּן לִי זְמַן שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה! אָמַר לוֹ הַמַּלְאַךְ הַמָּוֶת: לֹא אֶעֱשֶׂה, כִּי לֹא אוּכַל לַעֲשׂוֹת לְךָ חֶסֶד אֲפִלּוּ יוֹם אֶחָד, כִּי כְּבָר הִגִּיעַ קִצְּךָ וּשְׁעָתְךָ.
The groom replied, “Grant me a year or even half a year.” “No,” the beggar said, “I will not do as you ask.” “Grant me thirty days!” The groom pleaded. “I will not,” said the beggar, whom the groom now knew to be the Angel of Death. “Grant me until the end of the seven days of feasting.” “No,” said the Angel of Death, “I cannot do you the kindness of granting you a single day because your time has come.”
אָמַר לוֹ הֶחָתָן: תֵּן לִי רְשׁוּת, שֶׁאֶקַּח רְשׁוּת מֵאִשְׁתִּי וּמִן דּוֹדִי, שֶׁהוּא חוֹתְנִי! אָמַר לוֹ: לְדָבָר זֶה אֶשָּׂא פָּנֶיךָ, בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁעָשִׂיתָ גְּמִילוּת חֶסֶד עִמָּדִי, וְלֵךְ וּבוֹא מְהֵרָה.
The groom made one last request, “Allow me to take leave of my wife and my uncle who is my father-in-law.” Then the Angel of Death said, “I will grant you this because you acted with kindness towards me. But return quickly.”
הָלַךְ הֶחָתָן לַחֶדֶר שֶׁהַכַּלָּה יוֹשֶׁבֶת שָׁם יְחִידָה וּבוֹכָה וּמִתְפַּלֶּלֶת לְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, וּכְשֶׁבָּא הֶחָתָן לְהַכַּלָּה, וְקָרָא הַבָּחוּר אֵלֶיהָ וּבָאת לִפְתֹּחַ לוֹ הַפֶּתַח הַחַדְרָה, הֶחֱזִיקָה בְּיָדוֹ לְנַשֵּׁק לוֹ, וְאָמְרָה אֵלָיו: לָמָּה אַתָּה בָּאתָ לְבַדְּךָ אֵלַי?
So the groom went to the chamber where the bride was sitting alone and crying and praying to the Holy One Blessed is He. When the groom came and called to her she arose and opened the door. She clasped his hand and kissed him and asked, “Why have you come to me alone?”
אָמַר לָהּ הֶחָתָן: לִקַּח רְשׁוּת מֵאִתָּךְ, כִּי בָּא עִתִּי וְקִצִּי לֵילֵךְ בְּדֶרֶךְ כָּל הָאָרֶץ, כִּי מַלְאַךְ הַמָּוֶת הָיָה אֶצְלִי, וְהִגִּיד לִי הַמַּלְאָךְ שֶׁבָּא לִטֹּל נַפְשִׁי. אָמְרָה לוֹ: לֹא תֵּלֵךְ מֵעִמָּדִי, אֶלָּא תֵּשֵׁב פֹּה, וַאֲנִי אֵלֵךְ לְהַחֵדֶר שֶׁלְּךָ וַאֲדַבֵּר עִמּוֹ. הָלְכָה וּמָצְאָה אוֹתוֹ. אָמְרָה לוֹ לְהַמַּלְאָךְ: הַאַתָּה שָׁלִיחַ, שֶׁבָּאתָ לִטֹּל נִשְׁמַת אִישִׁי? אָמַר לָהּ: הֵן.
The groom answered, “I have come to take leave of you because my time has come to go the way of all the earth. The Angel of Death appeared to me and told me that he has come for my soul.” The bride said, “Do not leave. Sit here while I will go and speak with him.” So she went to the Angel of Death and said to him, “Are you the emissary that has come for my husband’s soul?” “Yes,” he acknowledged.
אָמְרָה לוֹ: הֲלֹא כְּתִיב בַּתּוֹרָה (דְּבָרִים כד, ה): "כִּי יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה חֲדָשָׁה, לֹא יֵצֵא בַּצָּבָא, וְלֹא יַעֲבֹר עָלָיו לְכָל דָּבָר. נָקִי יִהְיֶה לְבֵיתוֹ שָׁנָה אֶחָת, וְשִׂמַּח אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אֲשֶׁר לָקָח", וְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֱמֶת, וְתוֹרָתוֹ אֱמֶת הוּא, וְעַכְשָׁו אִם תִּקַּח אֶת נִשְׁמַת בַּעֲלִי, אֲזַי תִּהְיֶה הַתּוֹרָה, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, פְּלַסְתֵּר.
“But is it not written in the Torah, ‘When a man takes a new wife he shall not go out to the army nor shall he go out to any task. He shall be free for his household an entire year and cause the wife whom he has taken to rejoice’ (Devarim 24:5)? The Holy One Blessed is He is a God of truth and His Torah is a Torah of truth, but if you take the soul of my husband now the Torah will appear false, Heaven forbid!
אִם תְּקַבֵּל אֶת דְּבָרַי — מוּטָב, וְאִם לָאו — בּוֹא עִמָּדִי לִפְנֵי בֵּית דִּין הַגָּדוֹל שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.
“If you heed my words, good and well. But if not, then I summon you to din Torah before the Heavenly court before the Holy One Himself!”
שָׁמַע הַמַּלְאָךְ וְאָמַר לָהּ: בִּשְׁבִיל שֶׁעָשָׂה בַּעֲלֵךְ עִמִּי חֶסֶד וְכִבֵּד אוֹתִי, לְזֹאת אֶשָּׂא פָּנַיִךְ וְאֵלֵךְ לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, וַאֲסַפֵּר אֶת דְּבָרַיִךְ לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.
The angel listened and then said, “Because your husband acted with kindness towards me and honored me, I will grant your request and bring your case before the Holy One Blessed is He.”
וְהָלַךְ הַמַּלְאָךְ לִשְׁאֹל לְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, וּכְהֶרֶף עַיִן בָּא בְּשִׂמְחָה פַּעַם אַחֶרֶת לְהַחֶדֶר, וְאָמַר שֶׁהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וִתֵּר לְהֶחָתָן אֶת חַיָּיו, בַּעֲבוּר הַגְּמִילוּת חֶסֶד שֶׁעָשָׂה עִם הֶעָנִי.
So the angel went before the Holy One and in the blink of an eye he returned rejoicing. “The Holy One has granted the groom his life!” he exclaimed. “In the merit of his kindness towards the beggar.”
וְכָל הַלַּיְלָה הַזֶּה אֲבִי הַכַּלָּה וְאִמָּהּ הָיוּ הוֹלְכִין סְבִיבוֹת הַחֶדֶר, שֶׁהָיוּ שָׁם הֶחָתָן וְהַכַּלָּה. וְשָׁמְעוּ אוֹתָן שְׂמֵחִים יַחַד, וּבַבֹּקֶר נִכְנְסוּ שָׁם לְהַחֵדֶר, רָאוּ וְשָׂמְחוּ יַחַד וְהוֹדִיעוּ הַדָּבָר לְכָל הַקָּהָל, וְנָתְנוּ כֻּלָּם שֶׁבַח וְהוֹדָיָה לְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא. עַד כָּאן לְשׁוֹנוֹ. וְכָל זֶה גָּרַם הַחֶסֶד שֶׁעָשָׂה הֶחָתָן עִם הֶעָנִי.
All night long the bride’s father and mother wandered about outside of the bridal chamber listening to the voices of the bride and groom rejoicing. In the morning they entered the room and saw that they were both safe and sound and they all rejoiced together. Then they revealed the matter to the entire community and they all offered words of praise and thanks to the Holy One Blessed is He. This is the story as it is related in the midrash. And it was all because of the groom’s display of lovingkindness towards the poor.
עַל כֵּן צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְהִזָּהֵר לְבִלְתִּי לְהַרְאוֹת פָּנָיו זוֹעֲפוֹת לַעֲנִיִּים הַבָּאִים בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ, וּבִפְרָט שֶׁלֹּא לִגְעֹר בַּעֲנִיִּים, שֶׁבָּאִים לִסְעוּדַת מִצְוָה, כִּי כֵּיוָן שֶׁבַּעַל הַבַּיִת מְבַיֵּשׁ הָעֲנִיִּים, בִּשְׁבִיל כָּךְ מִתְהַוָּה רָעָה גְּדוֹלָה.
Therefore a person must be wary of ever showing a stern countenance towards the needy who come to his door. And one must be especially careful not to glower at those who come to partake of a seudas mitzvah. For by shaming the poor one brings on great misfortune.
לָכֵן לֹא יִצְטַעֵר הָאָדָם, אִם יִהְיֶה לוֹ אֵיזֶה זְהוּבִים יוֹתֵר הוֹצָאָה, כִּי יֵשׁ בְּזֶה כַּפָּרַת עָווֹן, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתַב הָרַב הַגָּדוֹל מַהֲרַ"ם בַּבְלִי, זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה, בְּסֵפֶר טַעֲמֵי הַמִּצְווֹת:
And let the host not be concerned if he must add a little to the cost of the feast on their account because their presence is an atonement for him. Thus the illustrious Maharam HaBavli writes in his Ta’amei Mitzvos (Positive Mitzvah 40):
תּוֹעֶלֶת גָּדוֹל לְבַעֲלֵי הַסְּעוּדָה בַּמֶּה שֶׁאוֹכְלִים הַקְּרוּאִים עֲנִיִּים, שֶׁהוּא מַמָּשׁ דֻּגְמַת קָרְבָּן, שֶׁהַכֹּהֲנִים אוֹכְלִין וּבְעָלִים מִתְכַּפְּרִים, וְיִתֵּן בְּטוּב עַיִן, וְאָז נֶאֱמַר עָלָיו (מִשְׁלֵי כב, ט): טוֹב עַיִן הוּא יְבֹרָךְ.
There is great benefit to the hosts of a feast in the eating of the poor that are invited to participate. This is completely analogous to the case of a sacrifice in which the Kohanim eat and the owner receives atonement. Moreover, let him be generous towards them so that to him may be applied the verse, “One with a generous eye, he will be blessed” (Mishlei 22:9).