The commandment of the reverence of father and mother: To be in reverence of parents — meaning to say that a person act with his mother and his father as he would with someone for whom he has reverence, as it is stated (Leviticus 19:3), “His mother and father shall a man revere.” And the language of Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 1:10 (also Kiddushin 31b) is “Which is reverence? He shall not sit in his place, and he shall not speak in his place, and he shall not contradict his words.”
From the laws of the commandment is that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 31a). “To what point is the reverence of father and mother? That even if they strike him and they spit in his face, he does not embarrass them.” And even so, the Sages commanded (Moed Katan 17a) a person not to strike his adult son, since there is in the thing [a possible violation of], “do not put a stumbling block in front of the blind” (Sefer HaChinukh 232) — (lest he kick his father, and it will be he that made him stumble — Rashi there). And we excommunicate someone for that. And they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 31b) about the stringency of this commandment that even if the father or mother lose their mind, the son must make efforts to behave in a way of honor towards them, according to their perception. But if they become extremely insane, he is able to leave them and command others over them to treat them as is fit, if he has [this possibility]. And a mamzer is obligated in the honor of parents and their reverence (Yevamot 22b), even though they are exempted from the statute of hitting them or cursing them. And they, may their memory be blessed, taught us about this matter (Bava Metzia 32a) that if the parents command to transgress words of Torah — and even a rabbinic commandment — we do not listen to them. [These] and the rest of its details are in [scattered] places in the Gemara, but the most are in Kiddushin, according to my opinion. (See Tur, Yoreh Deah 240.)
And it is practiced in every place and at all times by males and females. And [if] he transgresses it and treats their reverence lightly, he has violated this positive commandment; unless he does it with the agreement of his father and his relinquishment — as the honor of a father who relinquishes it, is relinquished (it is effective).
מִצְוַת יִרְאַת אָב וְאֵם – לִירֹא מֵהָאָבוֹת. כְּלוֹמַר, שֶׁיִּתְנַהֵג הָאָדָם עִם אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו הַנְהָגָה שֶׁאָדָם נוֹהֵג עִם מִי שֶׁיָּרֵא מִמֶּנּוּ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא יט ג) אִישׁ אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו תִּירָאוּ. וּלְשׁוֹן סִפְרָא (קדושים א י, קדושין לא ב) אֵיזֶהוּ מוֹרָא? לֹא יֵשֵׁב בִּמְקוֹמוֹ וְלֹא יְדַבֵּר בִּמְקוֹמוֹ וְלֹא סוֹתֵר אֶת דְּבָרָיו.
The commandment of the reverence of father and mother: To be in reverence of parents — meaning to say that a person act with his mother and his father as he would with someone for whom he has reverence, as it is stated (Leviticus 19:3), “His mother and father shall a man revere.” And the language of Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 1:10 (also Kiddushin 31b) is “Which is reverence? He shall not sit in his place, and he shall not speak in his place, and he shall not contradict his words.”
מִשָּׁרְשֵׁי הַמִּצְוָה. כָּתַבְתִּי בְּמִצְוַת כִּבּוּד הָאָבוֹת בְּפָרָשַׁת וַיִּשְׁמַע יִתְרוֹ (מצוה לג).
I have written from the roots of the commandment on the commandment of honoring parents in Parashat Vayishma Yitro (Sefer HaChinukh 33).
מִדִּינֵי הַמִּצְוָה. מָה שֶׁאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (קידושין לא, א) עַד הֵיכָן מוֹרָאַת אָב וְאֵם? שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ הִכּוּהוּ וְיָרְקוּ בְּפָנָיו לֹא יַכְלִים אוֹתָם, וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן צִוּוּ חֲכָמִים (מו"ק יז, א וברש"י שם שמא מיבעט באביו והוה ליה איהו מכשילו) לְבַל יַכֶּה אָדָם אֶת בְּנוֹ הַגָּדוֹל, לְפִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ בַּדָּבָר מִשּׁוּם וְלִפְנֵי עִוֵּר לֹא תִתֵּן מִכְשֹׁל (מצוה רלב), וּמְנַדִּין עַל כָּךְ. וְאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (קידושין שם ב) בְּחֹמֶר מִצְוָה זוֹ, שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ נִטְרְפָה דַּעַת הָאָב וְהָאֵם שֶׁיִּשְׁתַּדֵּל הַבֵּן לִנְהֹג עִמָּהֶם דֶּרֶךְ כָּבוֹד לְפִי דַּעְתָּם, אֲבָל אִם נִשְׁתַּטּוּ בְּיוֹתֵר, יָכוֹל לְהַנִּיחָם וִיצַוֶּה אֲחֵרִים עֲלֵיהֶם לְהַנְהִיגָם כָּרָאוּי אִם יֵשׁ לוֹ. וְהַמַּמְזֵר חַיָּב בִּכְבוֹד הָאָבוֹת וּמוֹרָאָם (יבמות כב, ב) אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁפָּטוּר מִן הַמִּשְׁפָּט עַל מַכָּתָם וְקִלְלָתָם. וְהוֹרוּנוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (ב"מ לב, א) בְּעִנְיָן זֶה, שֶׁאִם יְצַוּוּ הָאָבוֹת לַעֲבֹר עַל דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה וַאֲפִלּוּ עַל מִצְוֹת דְּרַבָּנָן, שֶׁאֵין שׁוֹמְעִין לָהֶם. וְיֶתֶר פְּרָטֶיהָ, בִּמְקוֹמוֹת בַּגְּמָרָא, וְהָרֹב בְּקִדּוּשִׁין לְפִי דַּעְתִּי (יו"ד סי' ר"מ).
From the laws of the commandment is that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 31a). “To what point is the reverence of father and mother? That even if they strike him and they spit in his face, he does not embarrass them.” And even so, the Sages commanded (Moed Katan 17a) a person not to strike his adult son, since there is in the thing [a possible violation of], “do not put a stumbling block in front of the blind” (Sefer HaChinukh 232) — (lest he kick his father, and it will be he that made him stumble — Rashi there). And we excommunicate someone for that. And they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 31b) about the stringency of this commandment that even if the father or mother lose their mind, the son must make efforts to behave in a way of honor towards them, according to their perception. But if they become extremely insane, he is able to leave them and command others over them to treat them as is fit, if he has [this possibility]. And a mamzer is obligated in the honor of parents and their reverence (Yevamot 22b), even though they are exempted from the statute of hitting them or cursing them. And they, may their memory be blessed, taught us about this matter (Bava Metzia 32a) that if the parents command to transgress words of Torah — and even a rabbinic commandment — we do not listen to them. [These] and the rest of its details are in [scattered] places in the Gemara, but the most are in Kiddushin, according to my opinion. (See Tur, Yoreh Deah 240.)
וְנוֹהֶגֶת בְּכָל מָקוֹם וּבְכָל זְמַן בִּזְכָרִים וּנְקֵבוֹת. וְעוֹבֵר עָלֶיהָ וְהֵקֵל בְּיִרְאָתָם בִּטֵּל עֲשֵׂה זֶה אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן עָשָׂה מִדַּעַת הָאָב וּבִמְחִילָתוֹ, שֶׁהָאָב שֶׁמָּחַל עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ כְּבוֹדוֹ מָחוּל.
And it is practiced in every place and at all times by males and females. And [if] he transgresses it and treats their reverence lightly, he has violated this positive commandment; unless he does it with the agreement of his father and his relinquishment — as the honor of a father who relinquishes it, is relinquished (it is effective).