A Person Who Longs to Learn Torah But Cannot is Given Access to God’s Book of Remembrance If a person cannot learn Torah for any reason — perhaps he is illiterate, or he lacks access to a book, or the like — yet his heart is aflame with a desire to learn Torah in order to serve God, that desire itself is equivalent to learning from a book. The mechanism behind this is as follows. Sometimes there are two Tzaddikim who are far from one another. One asks a question and the other makes a comment that answers the question. In this way, they are speaking to each other. Alternatively, sometimes both ask a question and the question of one of them answers the other. No one hears this dialogue but God. He combines their words and records them in a celestial book. That book is His supernal heart. The person who longs to learn Torah but cannot do so receives a heart from this supernal heart, God’s book of remembrance. In this way, he learns from a book — the book that God made for those who fear and honor Him, who desire to perform His commandments and learn His Torah. Longing to Return to God “My soul yearns, it longs for the courtyards of HaShem; my heart and my flesh sing to the living God.” “My spirit thirsts for You; my flesh yearns for You in a land that is dry and weary, without water.” “My spirit thirsts for God, for the living God; when will I come and see the face of God?”
Because of my many sins, I am far from Your Torah and its commandments. I am like a person living in the desert, a bleak wilderness, a land without water, in the shadow of death.
I drift about in this temporary world “like a person who is drunk, like a person overcome by wine,” confused and torn apart by endless instances of turmoil and thousands of impediments that keep me from coming close to You and Your Torah, for which purpose I was created.
You revealed through Your holy sages the value of longing for holiness. And the only way I know to revive my poor and bitter, torn and blemished soul is to yearn to serve You and learn Your Torah.
Yearning When it is Impossible to Act My Father in Heaven, my compassionate Father, You Who do good even to those who are guilty, help me always long to serve You and learn Your Torah with a mighty will until I will learn a great deal, pray to You extensively, perform the commandments, and do good deeds every day, all the days of my life.
Even if I must set these aside — for instance, if I am in a place where it is impossible to learn Torah and serve You — help me yearn to do so, and may that yearning rise before You as though I had indeed done so.
The Celestial Book of the True Tzaddikim God, You Who are filled with compassion, help me accustom myself to always desire to learn Your Torah, serve You, and come close to You.
As a result, may I learn from the supernal book that rests upon the supernal heart. In that book, the words of the true Tzaddikim appear. As each one speaks in his own place, You listen and join their words together to write that book of remembrance. As the verse states, “Those who fear HaShem spoke together, each man to his neighbor, and HaShem took heed and heard; and a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear HaShem and cherish His Name.”
You write that book for the sake of those who desire to learn Your Torah and do Your will. Help me draw down great illumination from this heart and learn from this book.
I am far from holiness. But I ask You to help me attain a true yearning to serve You and learn Your Torah so that I will return to You quickly, in accordance with Your beneficent will.
[עַל־פִּי תּוֹרָה קמ"ב - מִי שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לִלְמֹד כְּלָל]
נִכְסְפָה וְגַם כָּלְתָה נַפְשִׁי לְחַצְרוֹת יְהֹוָה לִבִּי וּבְשָׂרִי יְרַנְּנוּ אֶל אֵל חָי. צָמְאָה לְךָ נַפְשִׁי כָּמַהּ לְךָ בְשָׂרִי בְּאֶרֶץ צִיָּה וְעָיֵף בְּלִי מָיִם. צָמְאָה נַפְשִׁי לֵאלֹהִים לְאֵל חָי מָתַי אָבוֹא וְאֵרָאֶה פְּנֵי אֱלֹהִים.
A Person Who Longs to Learn Torah But Cannot is Given Access to God’s Book of Remembrance
If a person cannot learn Torah for any reason — perhaps he is illiterate, or he lacks access to a book, or the like — yet his heart is aflame with a desire to learn Torah in order to serve God, that desire itself is equivalent to learning from a book.
The mechanism behind this is as follows.
Sometimes there are two Tzaddikim who are far from one another. One asks a question and the other makes a comment that answers the question. In this way, they are speaking to each other. Alternatively, sometimes both ask a question and the question of one of them answers the other.
No one hears this dialogue but God. He combines their words and records them in a celestial book. That book is His supernal heart.
The person who longs to learn Torah but cannot do so receives a heart from this supernal heart, God’s book of remembrance. In this way, he learns from a book — the book that God made for those who fear and honor Him, who desire to perform His commandments and learn His Torah.
Longing to Return to God
“My soul yearns, it longs for the courtyards of HaShem; my heart and my flesh sing to the living God.” “My spirit thirsts for You; my flesh yearns for You in a land that is dry and weary, without water.” “My spirit thirsts for God, for the living God; when will I come and see the face of God?”
רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, אַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ עֹצֶם רִבּוּי הַמְּנִיעוֹת שֶׁיֵּשׁ לִי עַכְשָׁיו מִכָּל הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה מִתּוֹרָה וּתְפִלָּה וּמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים,
Master of the world, You know the vast number of impediments that keep me away from the holiness of the Torah, prayer and good deeds.
אֲשֶׁר אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְבָאֵר אֶפֶס קָצֶה מֵרִבּוּי הַבִּלְבּוּלִים וְהַמְּנִיעוֹת וְהָעִכּוּבִים שֶׁיֵּשׁ לִי מִכָּל דָּבָר שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה,
I cannot even begin to list the multitude of confusions, impediments and obstacles that stand in the way of my approach to holiness.
וַאֲפִלּוּ כְּשֶׁאֲנִי עוֹשֶׂה אֵיזֶה מִצְוָה אוֹ דָבָר שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה הוּא מְבֻלְבָּל וּמְעֻרְבָּב מְאֹד מְאֹד, רָחוֹק מְאֹד מִשְּׁלֵמוּת הַתִּקּוּן שֶׁצְּרִיכִין לַעֲשׂוֹת עַל־יְדֵי כָּל מִצְוָה,
Even when I perform a mitzvah or do something related to holiness, it is adulterated and far from the perfect rectification that I need to achieve.
כִּי בַּעֲוֹנוֹתַי הָרַבִּים, נִתְרַחַקְתִּי מְאֹד מִתּוֹרָתְךָ וּמִמִּצְוֹתֶיךָ, וַאֲנִי דוֹמֶה בְּעֵינַי עַתָּה כְּתוֹעֶה בַּמִּדְבָּר מַמָּשׁ, מְקוֹם חֹשֶׁךְ וַאֲפֵלָה, אֶרֶץ צִיָּה וְצַלְמָוֶת,
Because of my many sins, I am far from Your Torah and its commandments. I am like a person living in the desert, a bleak wilderness, a land without water, in the shadow of death.
וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ כְּלָל מַה לַּעֲשׂוֹת לָשׁוּב אֶל הַדֶּרֶךְ הָאֱמֶת וְהַיָּשָׁר וְהַנָּכוֹן לִהְיוֹת כִּרְצוֹנְךָ הַטּוֹב בִּשְׁלֵמוּת בֶּאֱמֶת,
I have no idea how to return to the true, straight and proper path, in order to be in accordance with Your beneficent will.
וַאֲנִי הוֹלֵךְ בָּעוֹלָם הָעוֹבֵר הַזֶּה כְּאִישׁ שִׁכּוֹר וּכְגֶבֶר עֲבָרוֹ יָיִן, נָע וָנָד, מְבֻלְבָּל וּמְטֹרָף בְּכַמָּה אֲלָפִים וּרְבָבוֹת בִּלְבּוּלִים עַל בִּלְבּוּלִים וּמְנִיעוֹת עַל מְנִיעוֹת, הַמּוֹנְעִים וּמְבַלְבְּלִים אוֹתִי מִלְּהִתְקָרֵב אֵלֶיךָ וּלְתוֹרָתְךָ בִּשְׁלֵמוּת בֶּאֱמֶת, אֲשֶׁר לְכָךְ נוֹצָרְתִּי.
I drift about in this temporary world “like a person who is drunk, like a person overcome by wine,” confused and torn apart by endless instances of turmoil and thousands of impediments that keep me from coming close to You and Your Torah, for which purpose I was created.
וּמָה אֶעֱשֶׂה לְיוֹם פְּקֻדָּה, וּמָה אֶעֱשֶׂה כִּי יָקוּם אֵל וְכִי יִפְקֹד מָה אֲשִׁיבֶנּוּ.
What shall I do when You come to examine me? “What shall I do when God arises; when He visits, how shall I respond to Him?”
וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ כְּלָל בַּמֶּה לְהַחֲיוֹת אֶת נַפְשִׁי הָאֻמְלָלָה וְהַמָּרָה מְאֹד מְאֹד, הַפְּגוּמָה וְהַמְטֹרֶפֶת כָּל כָּךְ כָּל כָּךְ, כִּי אִם עַל־יְדֵי הִשְׁתּוֹקְקוּת וְכִסּוּפִין וְרָצוֹן אֵלֶיךָ וְלַעֲבוֹדָתְךָ וּלְתוֹרָתְךָ, כַּאֲשֶׁר גִּלִּיתָ לָנוּ עַל־יְדֵי חֲכָמֶיךָ הַקְּדוֹשִׁים עֹצֶם מַעֲלַת הָרָצוֹן וְהַחֵשֶׁק דִּקְדֻשָּׁה.
You revealed through Your holy sages the value of longing for holiness. And the only way I know to revive my poor and bitter, torn and blemished soul is to yearn to serve You and learn Your Torah.
עַל כֵּן בָּאתִי לְפָנֶיךָ אָבִי שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם, אָבִי אָב הָרַחֲמָן, הַגּוֹמֵל לַחַיָּבִים טוֹבוֹת, גָּמְלֵנִי כָּל טוֹב, וּתְזַכֵּנִי לִכְסֹף וּלְהִשְׁתּוֹקֵק וְלַחְשֹׁק תָּמִיד בְּהִשְׁתּוֹקְקוּת נִמְרָץ אֵלֶיךָ וְלַעֲבוֹדָתְךָ וּלְתוֹרָתְךָ בְּרָצוֹן חָזָק וְתַקִּיף מְאֹד, עַד שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ, לִלְמֹד הַרְבֵּה בְּכָל יוֹם, וּלְהִתְפַּלֵּל וְלוֹמַר תְּחִנּוֹת וּבַקָּשׁוֹת שִׁירוֹת וְתִשְׁבָּחוֹת הַרְבֵּה בְּכָל יוֹם וָיוֹם, וְלַעֲשׂוֹת מִצְוֹת וּמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים הַרְבֵּה בְּכָל יוֹם וָיוֹם כָּל יְמֵי חַיַּי,
Yearning When it is Impossible to Act
My Father in Heaven, my compassionate Father, You Who do good even to those who are guilty, help me always long to serve You and learn Your Torah with a mighty will until I will learn a great deal, pray to You extensively, perform the commandments, and do good deeds every day, all the days of my life.
וַאֲפִלּוּ בְּעֵת שֶׁיִּהְיֶה הַהֶכְרַח לְהִתְבַּטֵּל עַל פִּי רְצוֹנְךָ, אֲפִלּוּ אִם אֶהְיֶה לִפְעָמִים בִּמְקוֹמוֹת שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר לִלְמֹד וְלַעֲסֹק בַּעֲבוֹדָתְךָ שָׁם, תְּזַכֵּנִי וְתַעַזְרֵנִי שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לִי חֵשֶׁק וְרָצוֹן חָזָק לִלְמֹד תּוֹרָה וְלַעֲבֹד אוֹתְךָ בֶּאֱמֶת, עַד שֶׁיַּעֲלֶה הָרָצוֹן לְפָנֶיךָ, כְּאִלּוּ עָשִׂיתִי מִצְוֹתֶיךָ וְלָמַדְתִּי תוֹרָתְךָ מַמָּשׁ.
Even if I must set these aside — for instance, if I am in a place where it is impossible to learn Torah and serve You — help me yearn to do so, and may that yearning rise before You as though I had indeed done so.
מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, רַחֵם עָלַי וְהֶיֵה בְעֶזְרִי וְזַכֵּנִי שֶׁאַתְחִיל לְהַרְגִּיל אֶת עַצְמִי לִכְסֹף וּלְהִשְׁתּוֹקֵק וְלַחְשֹׁק תָּמִיד בְּרָצוֹן וְחֵשֶׁק חָזָק וֶאֱמֶת לְתוֹרָתְךָ וְלַעֲבוֹדָתְךָ, וּלְהִתְקָרֵב אֵלֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת,
The Celestial Book of the True Tzaddikim
God, You Who are filled with compassion, help me accustom myself to always desire to learn Your Torah, serve You, and come close to You.
עַד שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה עַל־יְדֵי הַחֵשֶׁק וְהַרָצוֹן הָאֱמֶת שֶׁבַּלֵּב, לִלְמֹד מִתּוֹךְ הַסֵּפֶר הָעֶלְיוֹן הַנִּכְתָּב עַל הַלֵּב הָעֶלְיוֹן עַל־יְדֵי הַצַּדִּיקִים הָאֲמִתִּיִּים, אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה מַקְשִׁיב וְשׁוֹמֵעַ דִּבְרֵיהֶם שֶׁמְּדַבֵּר כָּל אֶחָד בִּמְקוֹמוֹ, וְאַתָּה מְחַבְּרָם יַחַד וְכוֹתֵב מֵהֶם סֵפֶר זִכָּרוֹן בִּשְׁבִיל הַחוֹשְׁבִים בְּלִבָּם וְחוֹשְׁקִים בֶּאֱמֶת לִלְמֹד תּוֹרָתְךָ וְלַעֲשׂוֹת רְצוֹנֶךָ, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב, אָז נִדְבְּרוּ יִרְאֵי יְהֹוָה אִישׁ אֶל רֵעֵהוּ וַיַּקְשֵׁב יְהֹוָה וַיִּשְׁמָע וַיִּכָּתֵב סֵפֶר זִכָּרוֹן לְפָנָיו לְיִרְאֵי יְהֹוָה וּלְחוֹשְׁבֵי שְׁמוֹ.
As a result, may I learn from the supernal book that rests upon the supernal heart. In that book, the words of the true Tzaddikim appear. As each one speaks in his own place, You listen and join their words together to write that book of remembrance. As the verse states, “Those who fear HaShem spoke together, each man to his neighbor, and HaShem took heed and heard; and a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear HaShem and cherish His Name.”
זַכֵּנִי גַם כֵּן לְקַבֵּל וּלְהַמְשִׁיךְ עָלַי הֶאָרָה גְּדוֹלָה מֵהַלֵּב הַזֶּה וְלִלְמֹד מִתּוֹךְ הַסֵּפֶר הַזֶּה,
You write that book for the sake of those who desire to learn Your Torah and do Your will. Help me draw down great illumination from this heart and learn from this book.
כִּי אֲנִי רָחוֹק מְאֹד מֵהַכֹּל, רַק אֲנִי מְצַפֶּה לְרַחֲמֶיךָ וַחֲסָדֶיךָ, שֶׁתְּזַכֵּנִי לְרָצוֹן וְחֵשֶׁק אֲמִתִּי אֵלֶיךָ וְלַעֲבוֹדָתְךָ וּלְתוֹרָתְךָ, בְּאֹפֶן שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לָשׁוּב אֵלֶיךָ מְהֵרָה בֶּאֱמֶת כִּרְצוֹנְךָ הַטּוֹב.
I am far from holiness. But I ask You to help me attain a true yearning to serve You and learn Your Torah so that I will return to You quickly, in accordance with Your beneficent will.
חוּס וַחֲמֹל עָלַי בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים, בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הַגְּדוֹלִים. עָזְרֵנִי כִּי עָלֶיךָ נִשְׁעָנְתִּי, כִּי תִפְאֶרֶת עֻזָּמוֹ אָתָּה וּבִרְצוֹנְךָ תָּרוּם קַרְנֵינוּ.
I rely on You Who are the splendor of our might, for You choose to elevate our strength.
יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי־פִי וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶיךָ יְהֹוָה צוּרִי וְגוֹאֲלִי. אָמֵן וְאָמֵן:
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You, HaShem, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Amen and amen.