People often get depressed, especially when praying, because of various doubts and worries that come into their minds about something they think they did wrong or because of their sins. In this connection the Rebbe told me a story about the Baal Shem Tov. Once the Baal Shem Tov stood up to pray, but he found it impossible to pray because he was disturbed by his thoughts. He was worrying about the fact that he used to light his pipe with a candle made of forbidden fat—which apparently meant that he was guilty of transgressing the prohibition of forbidden fat. Because of this he could not pray. The more he wanted to pray and to push this thought out of his mind, the more impossible he found it. Each time he kept on worrying that he had transgressed the prohibition of forbidden fat. It was impossible for him to even begin to pray. What did the Baal Shem Tov do? He jumped up and made an oath that he would always light his pipe with a candle made of forbidden fat. And so he did—for it is a well-known fact that the Baal Shem Tov used to light his pipe with a candle made of forbidden fat.
(קט) לְעִנְיַן הַמָּרָה־שְׁחוֹרוֹת שֶׁמְּבַלְבְּלִין אֶת הָאָדָם וּבִפְרָט בִּשְׁעַת הַתְּפִלָּה, וּמַכְנִיסִים סְפֵקוֹת וּבִלְבּוּלִים בְּמַחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ בַּאֲשֶׁר שֶׁזֶּה הַדָּבָר עָשָׂה שֶׁלֹּא כַּהֹגֶן, וְנִכְשַׁל בְּאֵיזֶה אִסּוּר חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, סִפֶּר לִי רַבֵּנוּ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה מַעֲשֶׂה מֵהַבַּעַל־שֵׁם־טוֹב זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה, שֶׁפַּעַם אַחַת עָמַד הַבַּעַל־שֵׁם־טוֹב זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה לְהִתְפַּלֵּל וְלֹא הָיָה יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל כִּי נָפַל בִּלְבּוּל בְּמַחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ, בַּאֲשֶׁר שֶׁהָיָה מְעַשֵּׁן אֶת הַלּוּלְקֶע [מַקְטֶרֶת] אֵצֶל נֵר שֶׁל חֵלֶב נִמְצָא שֶׁנִּכְשַׁל בְּאִסּוּר חֵלֶב, וּמֵחֲמַת זֶה לֹא הָיָה יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל. וְכָל מַה שֶּׁרָצָה לְהִתְפַּלֵּל וְלִדְחוֹת אֶת הַמַּחֲשָׁבָה הַזֹּאת וּלְהַעֲבִירָהּ מִדַּעְתּוֹ לֹא הָיָה יָכוֹל בְּשׁוּם אֹפֶן, כִּי בִּלְבֵּל אוֹתוֹ בְּכָל פַּעַם בַּאֲשֶׁר שֶׁנִּכְשַׁל בְּאִסּוּר כָּזֶה, בְּאִסּוּר חֵלֶב, עַד שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה אֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לְהַתְחִיל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל. עָמַד הַבַּעַל־שֵׁם־טוֹב וְקָפַץ וְנִשְׁבַּע שֶׁיְּעַשֵּׁן לְעוֹלָם הַלּוּלְקֶע אֵצֶל נֵר שֶׁל חֵלֶב. וְכֵן הֲוָה כַּאֲשֶׁר מְסַפְּרִים הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהַבַּעַל־שֵׁם־טוֹב הָיָה מְעַשֵּׁן הַלּוּלְקֶע אֵצֶל נֵר שֶׁל חֵלֶב.
People often get depressed, especially when praying, because of various doubts and worries that come into their minds about something they think they did wrong or because of their sins. In this connection the Rebbe told me a story about the Baal Shem Tov. Once the Baal Shem Tov stood up to pray, but he found it impossible to pray because he was disturbed by his thoughts. He was worrying about the fact that he used to light his pipe with a candle made of forbidden fat—which apparently meant that he was guilty of transgressing the prohibition of forbidden fat. Because of this he could not pray. The more he wanted to pray and to push this thought out of his mind, the more impossible he found it. Each time he kept on worrying that he had transgressed the prohibition of forbidden fat. It was impossible for him to even begin to pray. What did the Baal Shem Tov do? He jumped up and made an oath that he would always light his pipe with a candle made of forbidden fat. And so he did—for it is a well-known fact that the Baal Shem Tov used to light his pipe with a candle made of forbidden fat.