A Child of the King Our ultimate goal is to transform ourselves so that we are no longer a maidservants’s child but the child of the king, so that in our service of God we move closer to Him, from behind the millstone to the King’s palace and His Throne of Glory. In other words, not only will we serve God, but we will become servants; not only will we act in a holy manner, but we ourselves will become holy.
Everyone can evaluate himself in the following manner. After any service of God, look within yourself, and say, “I prayed, learned Torah, or whatever. Do I now feel a spirit of purity, even the slightest? After my service of God, are my thoughts, desires and feelings even slightly different from the desires and thoughts I have after my exposure to the world and its impulses? And right now, do I feel any yearning for the state of mind I was in while I was praying and serving God? Do I feel a pain in my heart that I have now drifted so far from the purity and supernal beauty that I had caught a glimpse of in the midst of my prayers?”
If you do see all this and are pained, that is a sign that your divine service was acceptable to God, and that your body has been sanctified by that service. If not, you have erred in your assessment of all your spiritual attainments (heaven forbid). But even if the latter is the case, do not grow discouraged. If the medicine has not worked, gird your loins and grow even stronger in your service of God.
כָּל תַּכְלִיתֵנוּ הִיא שֶׁנִּתְהַפֵּךְ מִבֶּן שִׁפְחָה לְבֶן מֶלֶךְ וְנִתְקָרֵב בַּעֲבוֹדָתֵנוּ, מִן אַחַר הָרֵחַיִם אֶל הֵיכַל הַמֶּלֶךְ וְכִסֵּא הַכָּבוֹד, זֹאת אוֹמֶרֶת, שֶׁלֹּא בִּלְבַד שֶׁנַּעֲבֹד אֶת ד' רַק שֶׁנֵּעָשֶׂה עוֹבְדֵי ד' וְלֹא בִּלְבַד שֶׁנִּפְעַל בִּקְדֻשָּׁה רַק שֶׁנֵּעָשֶׂה בְּעַצְמֵנוּ קְדוֹשִׁים.
A Child of the King
Our ultimate goal is to transform ourselves so that we are no longer a maidservants’s child but the child of the king, so that in our service of God we move closer to Him, from behind the millstone to the King’s palace and His Throne of Glory. In other words, not only will we serve God, but we will become servants; not only will we act in a holy manner, but we ourselves will become holy.
לָכֵן יָכוֹל כָּל אִישׁ לְנַסּוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ בָּזֶה, אַחַר כָּל עֲבוֹדָה יִסְתַּכֵּל בְּקִרְבּוֹ, הִתְפַּלַּלְתִּי, לָמַדְתִּי, וכו', הַאִם הִנְנִי מַרְגִּישׁ בְּקִרְבִּי אֵיזוֹ רוּחַ טְהוֹרָה, תִּהְיֶה אֲפִילּוּ דַּקָּה מִן הַדַּקָּה, הַאִם מַחְשְׁבוֹתַי רְצוֹנִי וְהַרְגָּשׁוֹתַי עַתָּה אַחַר עֲבוֹדָתִי מְשֻׁנּוֹת מְעַט מֵרְצוֹנִי וּמַחֲשַׁבְתִּי אַחַר דִּלְדּוּלִי בָּעוֹלָם וּפַחֲזוֹתָיו, הַאִם אֲנִי מַרְגִּישׁ עַתָּה גַּעְגּוּעִים לְמַצָּבִי הַקּוֹדֵם שֶׁהָיִיתִי בְּעֵת תְּפִלָּתִי וַעֲבוֹדָתִי, הַאִם מַרְגִּישׁ אֲנִי מִין כְּאֵב לֵב עַל שֶׁנִּתְרַחַקְתִּי מִן הַטָּהֳרָה וְיֹפִי הָעֶלְיוֹן שֶׁהֵצַצְתִּי בּוֹ בִּשְׁעַת תְּפִלָּתִי.
Everyone can evaluate himself in the following manner. After any service of God, look within yourself, and say, “I prayed, learned Torah, or whatever. Do I now feel a spirit of purity, even the slightest? After my service of God, are my thoughts, desires and feelings even slightly different from the desires and thoughts I have after my exposure to the world and its impulses? And right now, do I feel any yearning for the state of mind I was in while I was praying and serving God? Do I feel a pain in my heart that I have now drifted so far from the purity and supernal beauty that I had caught a glimpse of in the midst of my prayers?”
אִם אֶת כָּל זֶה אַתָּה רוֹאֶה וְסוֹבֵל, סִימָן הוּא שֶׁעֲבוֹדָתְךָ רְצוּיָה הִיא לִפְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם וְגַם גּוּפְךָ מִתְקַדֵּשׁ בַּעֲבוֹדָתְךָ, וְאִם לָאו, טָעִיתָ בְּכָל מַדְרֵגוֹתֶיךָ ח"ו, אֲבָל גַּם אָז אַל יִפֹּל לִבֶּךָ, הַתְּרוּפָה לֹא פָּעֲלָה? שַׁנֵּס אֶת מָתְנֶיךָ וְהַחְזֵק בַּעֲבוֹדָתְךָ בְּיֶתֶר שְׂאֵת וְיֶתֶר עָז כַּנַ"ל.
If you do see all this and are pained, that is a sign that your divine service was acceptable to God, and that your body has been sanctified by that service. If not, you have erred in your assessment of all your spiritual attainments (heaven forbid). But even if the latter is the case, do not grow discouraged. If the medicine has not worked, gird your loins and grow even stronger in your service of God.